Monday, June 20, 2011

I'm Back at My Post (no pun intended)

I'm back! A series of events has transpired which prevented me from blogging after my last post. Some good, some bad. First, I finally went to the doctor. I think I've already pretty well established that I'm on anti-depressants for severe depression. I've been unable to fall asleep, then when I do, I can't stay asleep. I toss and turn and wake up and then can't fall back asleep again. So I wait until I am bone tired before going to bed. My sleep pattern had turned around to where I was going to bed at 4am - 6am and sleeping till noon or 2pm. I'm a day person, and it made it seem like my day was only 8 hours or so long.

I also couldn't think clearly. I couldn't hold onto a train of thought. Before I got to what I was trying to say, I'd already forgotten what I was going to say. That was frustrating to say the least. I also felt like I'd lost a chunk of my vocabulary. I could not find the word I was looking for, to save me! Sometimes I'd finally come up with it, usually 20 minutes or so later after the conversation had taken a turn or two. But I'd put it out there, just in case anyone cared. Other times I never did think of the word I was searching for!

Also, I was more depressed, so I figured I either needed to have my dosage upped or the prescription changed to something entirely different. I'd had that happen before - a certain medication would work for 4, 5, even 8 years, then all of a sudden, it just stopped working for me. I'd begin getting more depressed and twice I checked myself into a mental health facility for what I used to call a 'nervous breakdown'. Don't get me wrong - I'm not crazy. Although there have been others who would say otherwise (and I'm not being 'cute' here, they seriously thought I was nuts. I'd just tell them, well, I'm on medication for my problems - what are you doing for yours?) I was just at a loss for coping with what life had dealt me.

So as I said, I went to the doctor looking for several different prescriptions. I was surprised to find out that he only gave me one - Abilify! The pill you take along with your antidepressant and it enhances it. The pharmacy wouldn't have it till the next day, so I waited, and looked it up online. Quite a few people said that it worked really fast for them - just a couple of days. So of course, I hoped for that for myself. All of a sudden on the 6th day, it hit me. I'd already gotten on a regular sleeping schedule from taking the Abilify at night - it helped me to fall asleep and it helped me to either stay asleep or fall back to sleep quickly if I woke up. When I woke up that 6th day, I had energy and I was able to plan out my day effectively, so I got lots done as opposed to wandering around in circles and getting little to nothing done.

That 6th day was on Monday, and I was scheduled to fly to Albuquerque, NM on Friday to help out for 6 weeks after my aunt had foot surgery. Six days before I was scheduled to go home, I got a call from my brother saying my mother had been in an accident and it appeared that she'd also had a stroke. So I left shortly thereafter and have been with Mom for about 4 weeks. We've gotten rid of a lot of clutter, cleared some shelves, and cleaned out her freezer.

Now I'm going home in 2 days and I can't wait.