A Renaissance

A renaissance has begun. I had to look up the word, to be sure it still meant what I'd thought it meant. You just can't be too sure these days. So many words that I grew up knowing the meaning of, now mean something totally different, if not the total opposite!

According to Answers.com, the dictionary definition of renaissance (as a noun) is "a rebirth or revival". Further, the thesaurus goes on to say "the act of reviving or condition of being revived: reactivation, rebirth, renascence, renewal, resurgence, resurrection, resuscitation, revitalization, revival, revivification."

Ok, as I thought/remembered. So, with the above in mind, it seems my family will be experiencing a renaissance, if you will. I am going to be a grandma. My son is going to be a father. He and his fiance'e are not yet married; they've been engaged for a number of years. He is 26 yrs old. When he came to me a week or two ago, he pulled me aside and asked me, "How would you feel about being a grandmother?" I knew then what was going on, and had the opportunity to keep my mouth shut, or perhaps at least guard the words that could come out of my mouth. But I chose instead to be honest with him. I told him I'd be pissed as hell. Those were my exact words. I wanted him to know that in no way did I support the idea of a child being born out of wedlock. However, I then told him that that baby would be loved unconditionally, as would he (my son) and his fiance'e.

I am a Christian and so is my son. My future daughter-in-law, I'm not so sure of. She says she is, but she had religion shoved down her throat by an over-zealous father & stepmother for a while, so she's kind of skittish about attending church. She does believe in the basic concepts however. At any rate, they' ve been living together, off & on, for a number of years as well. This goes against my beliefs & understanding of God's Word. I also believe that God hates the sin, not the sinner. Thank goodness for that, otherwise I'd be in trouble myself. So I don't condemn them, but I don't applaud their lifestyle either. At least they've chosen to get married. They do declare they love each other.

Now, understand that when my other son, Clint, died, I was not the only one affected. Everybody was. I only know how I felt. After six months, I went back to work and worked for 1-1/2 yrs. Then I was let go, when I was emotionally at a very low point. A month before being fired, I'd checked myself into the hospital on a Thursday and was discharged on Saturday. I was still a basket case, but able to function. (just saying that to let you know that they didn't let a loon go! More on that at a later date.) When I was let go, whatever self-esteem/ego I had was totally gone. That was my story. My remaining son and husband each had their own stories. My son had a good job and he was doing well at it. He'd quit high school before Clint died, then went on to get his G.E.D. But his brother's death left him devastated as well. He started acting out. On my birthday, just a week after Sept 11th (yeah, that was the year), he was fired. This was about 6 weeks after Clint died and I really didn't feel like going out, but it was a chance for DH & DS to focus on something other than Clint's death, and something they'd been looking forward to. My best friend, Kathy, and her husband, Mike were going with us to a favorite restaurant of mine. Well, DS's boss called me to tell me that they'd had to fire him, and why, and that he'd been pretty angry about it. That was just the beginning. But when he got home, we went on to dinner. DS was sweet. When someone mentioned that it was my birthday to a waiter, I quickly pulled said waiter aside and told him, look, I'm in mourning and I don't want a bunch of people I don't know to sing Happy Birthday to me. Let alone have the whole restaurant staring at me. So I'd squelched that idea. But when we left, the waiter discreetly handed me a box, telling me that my son wanted me to have a piece of birthday cake and ice cream. This boy could raise hell, then turn around and be the sweetest, most caring person on earth.

All that being said, said son has gone through a lot, dealing with his grief, self-blame (I know, I know, I told him it's not his fault, but what's in someone's head is in there till they're able to deal with it themselves, not just because someone tells you it's the wrong thing), as well as dealing with my problems and my husband's. So he's had a lot to deal with, as we all have.

So, back to the present. My son is having a baby! I wish it were under different circumstances. I wish they were both more prepared, in the financial department as well as in the maturity department. But then, I wonder. Did my mother have the same concerns when I announced I was pregnant?

I'm gonna be a grandma! There will be new goings-on in this household! My son is the last of the boys in this line of the family, so unless he has a boy, he'll be the last of our "real McCoys". Just a week before he made the announcement, we buried his paternal grandmother (my mother-in-law), who was the one of the sweetest Christians God ever put on this earth. My boy was devastated, as was his father. But the circle of life moves on. A rebirth. A revival of sorts.