Wednesday, April 15, 2009

A Bee In My Bonnet?

How do you start a blog/blogging, when you're in the middle of nowhere? There's really been nothing set in stone yet, so no one knows your style, your thoughts, your ideas, your hurts, your hopes - nothing!

I guess first I'll explain the title by using various definitions found on the internet. To have "a bee in your bonnet" means to be preoccupied or obsessed with an idea. Putting a "bee in your bonnet" is putting an idea in your head. An idea buzzes around your brain the way a bee buzzes around, and your bonnet (hat) is a metaphor for your head. A strange idea or notion; also, an idea that is harped on, an obsession. This term, which replaced the earlier have bees in one's head, transfers the buzzing of a bee inside one's hat to a weird idea in one's head. If someone is very excited about something, they have a bee in their bonnet.

In my own words then, a bee in my bonnet would be an idea buzzing around in my head; an idea which, like an unwelcome song, stays there making itself known, not going away - to the point of almost driving you crazy.

And if there's one thing I know, it's being driven crazy. Literally as well as figuratively. If I get an idea in my head, I've got to check it out 6 ways from China, inside out, up & down, back & forth. Until I understand it to my satisfaction. It doesn't matter if you already "get it", I have to get it - in my own way and in my own time. That's the figurative of it all.

The literal of it is that after my 16 yr old son committed suicide in July 2001, I went off the deep end. I lost it. I suffered from major depression and went into a big ol' decline. While my mind has shaken off some of the cobwebs, I'm still not "there" yet.

I think in the grand scheme of things, I may not be "crazy" insofar as what the doctors in the white coats call crazy. I don't think I went that far. But in the context of me and my background, I was well on my way there.

So now you know about bees in the bonnet as well as a little something about me.

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